Approaching Women And Starting Conversations (Part 2)
This Article: Classic Cocky & Funny, Passing her tests, Communicating control
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***QUESTION***
David, I downloaded your book a few weeks ago and like a dumbass I put off reading it until yesterday.
I read it straight through and tried some of your methods later that night... I was talking to a little hottie and she was giving mad attitude which I immediately called her out on and then pulled out the "I know something no one else who's known you for 5 min" thing and she ate it up like it was her last meal.
Throughout the night with plenty of C/F, she was like my siamese twin. Truly incredible since I had just read your book a few hours before and I have braces! What are some other "profound comments" that I can throw into my game? I can't wait to get the advanced series, and I've got a new outlook on life. Can't thank you enough.
T
David D:
Yes, I have a profound comment for you:
SAY NOTHING.
This is one of my favorites... so let me tell you about it. Women LOVE to say things just to see what you'll do or say in response. Have you ever had a woman mention sex early on in a conversation?
Or maybe a woman will ask a shocking question like "When was the last time you slept with a woman?" or "How many women have you slept with?" or "I have been with a few women... what do you think of that?".
Or maybe a woman will DO something crazy, like push her boobs together and ask if you think she should get implants. I'm sure you've been there. These are all things that women do to TEST you and see what you're all about.
This is yet another topic that deserves an entire newsletter... so
I'll give you the short version. One of my favorite responses is to
just look back at her with a blank look, and say NOTHING AT ALL.
No response.
No facial expression.
No nervous ticks.
No excited looks.
NOTHING.
I'll let the tension build for about 5 or 10 seconds. They I'll usually fire back some kind of Cocky & Funny comment like "Does that usually work?". Of course, this totally short-circuits whatever she did, and usually gets a deer-in-the-headlights look with an "I'm so innocent" question of "What do you mean by that?".
Of course, I usually respond with "You know EXACTLY what I mean".
Remember, when you're in one of these situations, the most PROFOUND
comment you can make is often NO comment.
Great question.
***Success Story***
I got your e-book and additional materials and I want to say thank you. I already did many of the things you teach (unintentionally) because that's what comes naturally, but now I have a much better understanding as to why it works and what I can do better, because let's face it, if I was satisfied with my success I wouldn't be here. I've always been good at approaching women, getting their numbers and keeping them interested, but I've always messed up 'closing escrow'.
Your 'pull them to you', 'Push them away' technique is working, the hardest part is being patient and not rushing in.
I took a girl out last weekend to the park for a picnic (inexpensive experience) with the key ingredient (sexy food as you advised): cherries (1lb). I was looking for the cherries to do their magic and by the time we got to dessert, we were feeding each other increasing the level of sensual activity leaped exponentially. Then using your 'pull-push' technique, I would stop and say "Now you cannot rub me there in a public park" and would move her hand away from my crotch.
Then I would start again and stop. I made some comments suggesting that I would be willing to 'allow' her to touch me more in private, but she didn't take the bait and wanted to continue a 'public display'.
As you recommend, I cut the picnic short and said I had to do some work - I run my own business, so it was plausible even on a weekend. She emailed the next day and wants to see me again.
The trouble is how to get her from A to B (public place to bedroom) without giving the game away?
I know you suggest making an excuse - before I read your materials, I have used grocery shopping i.e., taking the bags back to my place- but anyone can figure what the hidden motive is.
If a girl asks you to her place for 'coffee', you never end up boiling a kettle. So should I be more direct or should I wait for her to suggest it?
Thanks in advance.
-H (London)
David D:
This is an interesting question. I don't really think that you need
to make any "excuses". I think that your mistake was that you got
too frisky with her in public, then actually told her that you'd be
willing to "allow" her to do more with you in private. Both might
have been bad, in your case.
If I were you, I would have:
1) Not let things get so heavy in the park.
2) Not mentioned being with her in private.
3) Ended the picnic, then casually led her to your car, and took her
to your place.
Remember, if you give a woman something to resist, she usually will.
So don't.
In fact, it's often better to put things out there as a playful
CHALLENGE instead. If a woman wants to see my house, I often say
"I'm not sure about this... I don't know if I trust you. I'll tell
you what. You can only come in for a minute, and no funny business".
If I were you, I'd:
1) Wait a day to email her back.
2) Wait at least a couple of days to see her.
3) Keep yourself busy, and date other women.
4) Invite her over, and cook dinner.
You take things from there...
And pay careful attention to the comments I made above. You're
almost there...
***QUESTION***
Hey David,
I just bought a copy of your ebook and I think its absolutely fantastic and to put it plainly 'right-on'. (This is coming from a guy who used to think that any kind of book on dating would be a load of crap).
Your ideas have changed my beliefs. Now I think I'm getting the C&F down pretty well... but I recently went out on a date with a 7.5 and we had a blast but there were one or two moments during the date when both of us ran out of things to say and so all I could think of was C&F so I ended up blurting out ... "So why don't you tell me an exciting story?
If it's really good then I might consider taking you out again and you can even pay if you want!" This cracked her up and I even ended up setting another date with her but I was just wondering what I should do for future occasions if such a situation ever arises!
Thanks!
Mo
David D:
The thing that determines whether or not a silence is "uncomfortable" is what happens RIGHT AFTER IT. In other words, most men get all kinds of nervous if there is a silence... and by the time they think of something to say, they SOUND nervous. If you just realize that silences are normal, and allow them to happen, you'll solve about 80% of the problems that go along with them.
Don't let silences bother you. When they happen (and they always do), just pick the conversation back up later. Again, most men let silences freak them out. When you do this, then start acting nervous, it INSTANTLY lets a woman know that you're trying to impress her, and that you care too much about what she thinks of you...
Which, of course, makes your concern backfire on you. Stay cool. Don't let a silence bother you.
***SUCCESS STORY***
David,
I have been receiving your e-mails for almost a month now and I am learning more about women than I ever thought possible.
Anyways, I used to always have problems understanding when and what women wanted from me. I've always seemed to make the wrong move at the wrong time, and I've paid dearly for it in many instances.
BUT I now know the error of my ways. Last week a very hot girl (thanks to some of your suggestions) and I were sitting at my place watching her favorite movie, the Princess Bride, (all in all not a bad movie) when the power suddenly went out. I had nothing to do with it, I swear (wink, wink :) ).
So after the initial shock wore off for her we began talking and I used your how-to-know-when-a-woman-wants-to-be-kissed concept. And you know what? It worked! Not that I was very surprised but I was a little. Thank you so much for your thoughts and I'll soon be ordering your advanced series.
JS, Vegas
David D:
Yea, "The Kiss Test" is a great one. One of my favorites. I love ideas that rejection-proof the process.
***COMMENT FROM A WOMAN***
Dear David,
A friend of mine (male) just forwarded your newsletters to me to take a look at. He wanted my candid (female) opinion on what you were saying. After reading them over and checking out your site (yea, you hooked me, I signed up for the newsletter too) I love this stuff you're telling these guys, keep it up!
Cocky & funny is totally the way to go. More often than not, I see a guy in a club or coffee shop, laundry mat (where ever) and they're sexxy, hot, attractive or whatever and THEN they speak... Its all over. No wit, no intelligence, no spark... nothing. Sure they're great to look at, but thats 'bout it. And the guys that are witty and intelligent are too scared to approach me. Now, I just want to print out everything on your site and hand it out like candy on Halloween to random guys.
A little about me...I'm 30, short? 5'2" bout 120ish lbs asian/irish combo and I consider myself to be somewhere in the range of a 7-8, though most guys I know throw me somewhere up over 10. I have an awesome personality, am attractive, intelligent and I know exactly what I want, when I want it and am not afraid to say it. And this thing you say about females being competitive, lol! Its soooo true. My girl friends hate me but come to me with every question imaginable about how to deal with men, they call me the heart breaker and of course they all tell me I should write a book.
I have a large number of male friends and from them I've learned this one valuable thing...Men are incredibly easy to read, its a shame. They truely get trapped in this cycle of behavior patterns and have no way out, which makes them semi-unattractive to the opposite sex. I'm not in a successful relationship because it ALWAYS ends with this confident and intelligent guy turning into a blob of lime jello in my presence.
It starts like this, I meet guy, date guy (or whatever use your imagination) he falls head over heels WAY too fast then transforms from this attractive appealing person to...yea jello. Most of the girls I know want to know the secret to turning a guy into mush and having them right where they want them, but fail to understand that its BORING! Women are somewhat like men and want to be stimulated, though it does take different things to stimulate women than men, but its a basic common sense concept.
You keep telling these guys that chicks may think they want the same old blah blah blah, but they really don't, they want the...omfg RaR~!! Give them that and they're totally yours... Unless of course its me, then they'll always need to change up to keep me interested, cuz i'm one in a million (lol) I'd send you my picture and open a correspondence with you because you seem hella interesting and get "it", but then you'd fall madly in love with me and abandon your technique... then i'd have to break your heart ;)
D in MA
David D:
All men should be forced to read this email every day for 30 days in a row before they're allowed to have their 18th birthday party.
AMEN sister!
By the way, if there's one thing you can bet money on, it's that I'm
not falling in love with you because you send me a picture.
But it was a nice thought. For you, I mean.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Seriously, dude, where were you 16 years ago when I could have really used this stuff? Not that I'm not having fun using it right now. Your advice is pure gold. If there's a guy out there on the fence right now about trying out the C+F routine, hop off that fence and start using it.
I recently divorced and started a new job, and there's a hottie there that I'm not interested in dating but has been a great test subject. I bust her balls all the time, and she eats it up! I've been getting free lunches out of the deal and get to be seen with a beautiful woman, so there's no downside.
Here's where your stuff really helped out, though. One day she comes to my cubicle and I'm doing the C+F thang -- when she suddenly gets pouty and calls me mean. She says, with a frowny face, "I don't like the way you keep making fun of me." Well, this is certainly new behavior on her part, because up until now she's been loving it. Then the light bulb goes off in my head -- this is a test! "If you don't like it," I respond very matter-of-factly, "then don't smile so much when I do it." Her frown melted into a smile and she invited me out to another free lunch!
David, I swear, a few years back I would have failed this test. I
would have apologized for making fun of her, immediately
complimented her in some way and made a total wimp out of myself.
But not now -- thanks to you!
P.S. -- You should have heard the guys in my department after this
little exchange. They couldn't believe how smooth and calm I was. I
immediately sent them all a copy of your newsletter.
-- P in Minneapolis
David D:
Your response is CLASSIC Cocky & Funny. "...then don't smile so much when I do it..." LOVE IT... love it. This is the way to communicate with women. This is it. Thanks... great story.
***QUESTION***
David...
Kudos on the Advanced Series CD set and the eBook...it's absolutely phenomenal material! I'm really feeling my confidence skyrocket with every listen and application of this stuff. WOW!!!!
The other day, I was out at Borders Bookstore and saw this very attractive girl reading a book, and she looked deep in thought. Knowing that girls who look like her are often treated like they are only all beauty and no brains, I walk up to her and ask, "Is this seat taken?" and sit down with her and say, "I saw you sitting here and you looked like you were very deep in thought and wanted to know...
<<pause for a few seconds, looking her in the eye>>
...what is on your mind?" David, she MELTED!!! I hardly had to talk
for the rest of 10-15 minutes I was with her, because she was so
excited that someone saw her for her brains and not her boobs
(reallllly nice ones, at that...lol). I told her I had to go and
gave her MY NUMBER...and my phone has been ringing off the hook!!!!
This is a really important concept you've harped on before: noticing
the typically unnoticed aspects of a woman - if she's brainy and
only modestly pretty, emphasize her beauty and if a woman is very
attractive, make sure to stroke her intellect because these girls
never have attention paid to their mind, only to their body.
Woman LOVE IT that you notice these unnoticed things about them...it makes them feel like there is some sort of "cosmic connection" between you and Her.
Now to the questions......In your CD Series, you talk about setting the "ground rules" with women in the very beginning of the relationship. One was about telling a woman that your house is a place with a calm, positive vibe and that no drama is tolerated and the other was telling a woman that you have zero intentions of starting a relationship anytime soon. Now, these are awesome ideas that I want to come across but do I tell the girls directly or do I 'convey' them somehow? If so, how do I convey these ideas??
Thanks A Lot!!!
D, Indiana
David D:
In short, BOTH. When it comes to my house, and telling a woman the "rules" of being in my house, I like to tell her DIRECTLY. I lay it all out. Why? Why not imply it somehow?
Because in this case, telling her IS implying something. But it's something ELSE. When I lay down the rules for being in my house, I'm communicating something FAR more important to her. I'm communicating that I'm in CONTROL of the situation... and that this is MY territory. Get it?
Remember in the Advanced Series when I explain that women are ALWAYS interpreting the things you say? And that you have to learn how to STOP saying things directly, and start saying everything by IMPLYING? Well, this is a case of implying by saying something ELSE directly. I know, deep, man.
Great question...
And by the way, if you're reading this right now, and you're ready
to take your success with women to an entirely different level, then
I have a few things to tell you...
First, I want to ask you something. What is it that's holding you
back? What's stopping you from having success with women? Think
about it for a minute.
Now I have something REALLY interesting to share with you...
YOU'RE WRONG.
See, I know that most guys have a "secret reason" why they fail with women. Maybe it's that they're too short. Or maybe it's because they're too old. Or maybe it's because they're bald. Whatever it is, it's THE big reason. Unfortunately, most guys walk around with their "secret reason", and use it to explain to themselves why NOTHING can EVER work for them.
As they read these newsletters, in their minds they're constantly saying "That's a great story, but that would never work for ME because of my secret reason...".
Are you with me here? Well guess what...
WE ALL HAVE A SECRET REASON. But the fact is that you're WRONG.
Your secret reason IS ABSOLUTELY NOT the reason why you don't have the kind of success with women that you'd like to have.
The REAL reason why you don't have the level of success you want is because you're not DOING ANYTHING about it. I have spent a lot of time getting to know a lot of guys who are successful with women. And guess what?
MOST of them are NOT what you would expect. Sure, I know a few guys that are tall, rich, and handsome. But the MAJORITY of guys that I know who are successful with women are AVERAGE OR BELOW in MOST areas of their lives. I know at least 4 or 5 SHORT guys who date so many hot women it would make your head spin.
Most of the guys I know who are really good with women make average incomes. ...and on and on.
I now believe 100% that you can overcome any little "disadvantage" that you have, and go on to become VERY successful with women. One more thing...
Did this article shine some light on your present dating success and how you can improve? Sure it did.
I know it did, because I've been there. As a result of my sharing what I know to guys like you, (I receive emails from guys every day that have dating advice questions) I can honestly say that you need to take two more steps to start your own successful dating lifestyle.
First: click here and join my free weekly newsletter. That's where I answer the most interesting and original of the advice questions I get daily from guys that want to date more successfully.
Second: Download my ebook "Double Your Dating". You'll find inside the ebook more of the successful techniques, tried and true, that help any guy get the dates he wants. And it comes with THREE great bonus booklets that aren't available anywhere else.
Get serious now. End meeting women and dating disappointments. Start here.