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Think of flirting
like playing. Remember when you were a kid and you used to "play
fight" with your friends? What's the difference between "play"
wrestling and "real" wrestling? And how do you know the difference
when it's happening... when your friend runs up and pushes you down,
then jumps on you and tries to pin you?
The answer is YOU JUST KNOW. It's obvious to humans (and other
animals, by the way) when someone is "playing" and when they're
serious. Flirting is similar.
If you start talking to a woman and say "Hi, you're very pretty. You
probably have a boyfriend, right?" in a normal tone of voice, you're
NOT flirting. On the other hand, if you say "Hi, I realize that
you're probably shy because you get no attention from men... so I
thought I'd come over here and pay attention to you..." it's OBVIOUS
that you're not being serious.
This is flirting.
By the way,
flirting IS NOT simply telling jokes, or trying to be "cute". One of
the concepts that I teach is called "Cocky & Funny."
Cocky & Funny is simply a powerful, ultra- concentrated way of
flirting and creating sexual tension with a specific kind of humor.
It's so funny to me how some guys write in because they "can't see
themselves being Cocky & Funny around women"... because they don't
want to come across as "jerks".
This really cracks me up... because it's obvious to me that these
guys JUST DON'T GET IT. So let me explain this whole thing a
different way...
If you know how to communicate the right way, women will respond to
you RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING with a HIGH LEVEL of sexual interest
and ATTRACTION. When you know how to incorporate flirting in a Cocky
& Funny way, which is really a form of "adult verbal play", you tune
in to a certain frequency in a woman's mind, and cause her to go
into a very special kind of emotional state.
One of the keys to effective flirting is to "get it". In other
words, you have to actually get out there and practice so you get a
"feel" for how it works. I think a lot of guys give up when they try
a cute line or technique and a woman responds by either directly
saying or giving that look that says "You're a loser."
Instead of just realizing that they need more practice or that the
woman might have just been in a bad mood or even one of those
horrible "I don't have a sense of humor" cases, they take it
personally and decide to just have it mean that they're a failure.
But take my word for it... once you learn how to flirt effectively
and communicate in the language of "adult play" you WILL SIMPLY NOT
BELIEVE how women will respond to you.
Here are examples of some of one of my favorite topics to "riff on"
when flirting... the topic of getting married and us being in a
relationship... and I'll give it to you in the form of a sample
dialogue. Keep in mind, I might have a conversation like this one
with a woman that I just met five minutes earlier...
OK, let's say I'm talking to a girl and she starts asking me what I
do for a living.
I might say "What, you don't have a job? And you're already trying
to figure out if I can support you?".
Her: "I have a good job, and I make good money"
Me: "Nice. I like that in a woman. Want to get married? We could
leave for Vegas right now and be married in about 4 or 5 hours. I
need a woman with money."
Her: <Laughter> "OK, that sounds like a plan"
Me: "But wait a minute... do you think you can support the both of
us on your income? I really want to be a stay at home husband... you
know, keep an eye on the TV and such."
Her: "Oh, no... I won't support you."
Me: "Well, then I'm breaking up with you. It's over between us. I
was going to marry you, then divorce you a week later and take half
your money."
Her: <Laughter> "You can't break up with me! I'm not even your
girlfriend."
Me: "That's all the more reason."
...do you get what's going on here?
I'm taking a normal conversation topic (her job and income) and
redirecting the conversation in a flirtatious, Cocky & Funny way to
create a fun mood and sexual tension (by suggesting marriage,
divorce, and breaking up over her not supporting me, etc.). If the
above example doesn't make any sense to you, then take that as a
sign that you need to get out and practice more.
Try it on a waitress or two.
When you ask for something and she says "I'm sorry, we don't have
that", just say "OK, this relationship isn't working out... I'm
going to have to break up with you." In fact, you can say this in
just about ANY situation with ANY woman where she's saying something
that you don't like, and it's funny.
When you communicate like this, you're FLIRTING, you're TEASING, and
you're initiating a DIFFERENT KIND OF COMMUNICATION than most men
initiate. And as soon as the woman you're talking to "engages" you
in this kind of dialogue, THE GAME IS ON.
There are a LOT of ways you can flirt, and a lot of ways you can be
Cocky & Funny that DON'T REQUIRE WORDS.
If a woman looks at you and raises one eyebrow, look back at her and
do the same... only exaggerate it. If a woman puts her hand on your
arm, look down at it, then look up at her in a surprised way, then
raise your eyebrows as if you just had a major "ah ha!"
realization... then start smiling and nodding your head as if you
just realized that she wants you. This is a powerful combination
because it's funny, and it exaggerates the meaning in her touching
you.
There are a MILLION ways to flirt like this, but the point that I'm
trying to make is that you NEED TO START DOING IT RIGHT FROM THE
BEGINNING OF YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH WOMEN. It will set off all of
your conversations with women on the right foot, and start a
dialogue that creates sexual tension and ATTRACTION. If you DON'T
learn how to communicate with women like this you'll have BORING,
"NORMAL" conversations that NEVER lead to sexual tension and
ATTRACTION.
Remember, women can tell INSTANTLY whether you're flirting with them
or not. If you are, and you're doing it in a subtle, charming way,
you'll get amazing responses. One of the keys to flirting and
creating ATTRACTION effectively is projecting confidence and
indifference both in your voice tone and body language as you do it.
Another key is projecting an understanding of how male/female
ATTRACTION works to the women that you're flirting with.
And what's the best way to learn these two things?
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