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So I did, I went
down to the main level and walked right up to her and said "you look
bored" she said "yah I am, clubs really aren't my thing", I was
going to bust on her, but I realized that clubs weren't really my
thing either (this was my 3rd time ever at a club and I am 19). So
we talked for a bit, I didn't say anything to funny, I just tried to
act as confident as I could. When I got her name, I asked her to
save me a dance. She said sure and she smiled. So I go back up to
the balcony to hang with my friends, and about half an hour later we
all went to the dance floor, most of us just stood there like
losers, but oh well we were having fun. This is when I saw the girl
again, she was smoking. I don't really like smoking but oh well.
So I went up to her
and said "hey" she said "hi" back and I told her to put out her
cigarette, she asked me "why", I said "so we can dance". So we
danced for a song or two and then we both decided that it was to
noisy in the main room, so we went into one of the quieter bar rooms
and I just acted calm and cool. At the end of the night, when I went
home, she kissed me and asked me if I would call her. I said "maybe"
and kissed her again and went home.
I called her 2 days later and asked her to a local sports bar right
on the spot. she said sure. So we went and had a great time. I must
have said a lot of funny things cause she laughed a lot. It was
great, then we played mini golf and after the date we went outside.
When suddenly I took her against a wall and kissed her, she told me
she was waiting for me to do that. Then we started making out like
crazy against the wall. It was pretty cool. After this I went home
to study for a test the next day. (I am in university)
I decided that I wanted to be mysterious and be aloof, so I didn't
call her for 5 days. On the 5th day, another group of my friends
invited me to play indoor beach volleyball with them and then go to
a party. After this I had hockey. So I decided to call up her and
ask her to go with me. When I called her, she said she was working
on the late shift at her work and wouldn't be done till 11 but then
she would call me. Well needless to say, she DIDN'T call. Of course
I didn't want to act needy so I didn't call her and ask where she
was or anything like that. The next night that same group asked me
to go stargazing with them and the girls of the group told me that
it would be so romantic for me to invite her out to do that. But I
didn't call her. I decided that it was wiser for me to wait for her
to call me back. Well that was 6 days ago and still no call.
I think it would be awesome if you would analyze my story and tell
me what I did right and what I did wrong. Also if I should call her
back or if I shouldn't, also what any reasons may be that she didn't
call me back. Thanks a lot,
I appreciate it.
K.J.
Detroit
My Reply:
Well, your story has so many interesting lessons, I don't even know
where to begin. Let's take it from the top, and I'll comment on a
few of the various things that happened with you and this girl.
One thing that immediately caught my attention is the story of how
you approached this girl.
At first, you hesitated, then left. Your friends even said "sorry to
see you strike out"... but one of your friends was smart enough to
tell you to get yourself back down there and talk to her. Then you
started the conversation by saying "You look bored...".
This demonstrates a couple of very important concepts that most guys
don't realize:
1. Don't assume anything until you've talked to a woman and you KNOW
what the result was.
2. Start a conversation, and it's OK to start by saying something
normal like "You look bored".
Most guys get nervous when they see a woman, walk away, then look at
her for as long as she stays within view, kicking themselves for not
talking to her. The opportunity stays open until she's gone (which,
by the way, is usually pretty quickly). But if she's still around,
then you still have the chance to go talk to her... so do it!
And saying ANYTHING is better than saying nothing and letting the
opportunity pass. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
It costs a few moments, and the potential payoff is amazing.
Most men don't approach women because they fear being rejected. But
"rejection" isn't that bad! Most women who REALLY don't want to talk
to you will still be relatively nice...
You did the right thing.
At the end of the night when she asked you to call her and you
replied "maybe" and kissed her you REALLY did the right thing. This
is classic Cocky & Funny teasing with a mixed message. Love it.
Another great thing you did was calling her a couple of days later
and asking her to get together with you RIGHT THEN. I don't mention
this enough, and I'm glad you brought it up.
One of the best times to do something is RIGHT NOW, and a lot of
women will respond well to an invite on the spot. Women also tend to
FLAKE OUT LESS when it's in the moment. They don't have time to come
up with excuses or reasons not to show up. Nice.
Now I'd like to address your question, and comment on what to do if
a woman doesn't call you back...
I believe that women are generally programmed with the following
idea:
"Men call women. If I don't call him back, he'll call me."
Most women expect men to call THEM. And if they don't return a call,
they expect the man to call back and PURSUE them.
Nice, huh?
Well, once you learn how to REALLY dial up the attraction inside of
a woman, you'll find that these rules will go out the window... but
they'll NEVER entirely go away.
I have a principle that I teach in my Advanced CD Audio Series, and
in my live seminars. It goes a little somethin' like this...
"Never let the line go slack."
If you're interested in a woman, there may come a time when she gets
busy, doesn't call you back, blows you off, flakes out, or whatever.
This is the real world, and these things happen. A lot of guys make
the mistake of TAKING THIS PERSONALLY, letting it upset them, and
then not doing ANYTHING to get back on track. Some guys even have a
rule: "If she won't return my phone call, then I don't want to talk
to her again."
I think that this is noble, but probably a little bit extreme in
this day and age. If you're interested in seeing a woman again, then
a better idea is to NEVER LET THE LINE GO SLACK. If she starts to
drift away, don't just stand around and let it happen. Do something!
In your case, this girl might have just gotten off of work an hour
or two late and didn't want to call you too late... or maybe she got
off late and she was tired... or whatever.
In her mind she's probably thinking "I wonder why he hasn't called
me... maybe he doesn't like me". She probably thinks that she was
being sweet and considerate by not calling you.
If you take the principle of "Never let the line go slack" and apply
it here, you'd probably want to give her a call a day or two later
to ask her to do something again. Use the fact that she didn't call
you back as a theme to tease her. Bust on her and tell her that she
now owes you big time because she flaked out.
Get her to beg for forgiveness, then say "I'll think about it... and
while I'm thinking, come over here and give me a two hour full body
massage".
The moral here is to stop expecting women to call you, and start
DOING THE RIGHT THINGS. If you feel like the line is going slack,
then pick up the phone and get things moving again!
You know, it's very important to understand the ATTITUDE that it
takes to have consistent success with women and dating.
Most guys ask me for techniques...
"What do I say if she says that she's busy?"
"What do I say to get her number?"
"How do I get her back to my place?"
...and I don't blame them.
But there's something FAR MORE IMPORTANT that you need to have
BEFORE you get these answers.
If you don't have a deep understanding of the BELIEFS that you need
to have, the ATTITUDE that you need to project, and the BODY
LANGUAGE AND VOICE TONE that you need to use, then the TECHNIQUES
aren't going to work very well for you.
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